Choices…are powerful

Many families and teachers I work with struggle with compliance issues. They simply want their child to follow directions. Seems like it should be simple, but anyone who is a parent or early childhood teacher knows that this is easier said than done.

Here’s a tip that should help immediately. Phrase your direction as a choice. Let’s say it’s time to wash hands before dinner. That’s not a choice, it needs to be done. However, you can let your child decide between washing their hands by themselves or with your help. Or deciding between the kitchen or bathroom sink. Or deciding between two different songs to sing while they wash. Any choice your child selects, the hands still get washed. Your child feels in control and your direction has been followed. Voila!

Maybe your child resists the bedtime routine. Try giving two choices such as “Do you want to read a book together or sing a lullaby?” “Which pair of pajamas do you want for tonight?” Have a picky eater? During mealtimes offer choices such as “Do you want a bite of pasta or chicken first?” “Do you want to serve your food yourself or have me do it?” “Do you want your potatoes with or without ketchup?”

By phrasing your directions as choices, you are giving your child the sense of control and power that they are seeking. The child focuses energy on making their own decisions rather than saying “no” in a battle of wills.

Keep these tips in mind when you give choices:

1) Give real choices. Offering time out/punishment as one choice isn’t really two choices, it’s an ultimatum.

2) Keep it simple with two choices. For young children or children with language delays, use two choices and point to the choices when possible to help with comprehension.

2) Both choices need to be OK with you and result in what you want to happen. Be careful you don’t offer a choice you will regret (Do you want to eat the food on your plate or want me to make a new meal?) or is unsafe (Do you want to go to the store with me or stay in the car by yourself?).