Direction vs Question

One of the first tips I give to most families is to state directions as directions, not questions. As adults, we often ask a question as a subtle way of giving a direction. If my husband says to me, “Could you help me?” my adult brain can decode this to know that he isn’t really asking a question, he’s really saying “Please come help me as soon as you can.” For young children or children with language processing delays, this is too confusing.

Step 1: Decide if you are asking a legitimate question or giving a direction. You might actually want to ask a question such as “Would you like a snack?” or “would you like your teddy bear for bed?” and it really is a question for your child to decide and answer. If it’s a question, pose it as such and skip step 2.

Step 2: If you actually intend to give a direction, then phrase it as a direction. For example, if you want your child to wash their hands, say “Please go wash your hands for dinner.” If the child is very young or has language processing delays, you might want to simplify it to “wash hands” and pair this with a sign or gesture of washing hands. Your tone and using polite words such as “please” indicate that you aren’t angry or sound mean. If you say “Will you go wash your hands?” then you have asked a question - and your child can say “yes” or “no” and either way have answered you.

Want to check yourself? Use your phone to audio record yourself for a few minutes and listen to your actual words. Did you use directions? Did you ask questions? Now practice rephrasing to say what you really mean.

This is much harder than it seems, but you will get drastic results if just say what you mean. Good luck!