Name It to Tame It

A wonderful strategy to help children regain control when they are distraught is to name the emotion your child is feeling. Stating aloud the emotion can be followed with your child recounting the details of what happened to make them feel a certain way. This can also lead to a conversation about what could happen now or in a similar situation to make them feel better. Drs. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson discuss this powerful strategy in their books The Whole-Brain Child and The Yes Brain, both of which are terrific resources.

For example, if your child is upset because she wanted to spend more time playing outside, but now it’s time to go in to eat dinner, help her identify and put a name to her big feelings. You might say “I see your tears and I hear your words. Are you disappointed that we can’t play longer?” Depending on your child’s language ability, ask them to tell you about their feelings, what happened to make them feel that way, and/or what could be done to make them feel better. Using the outdoor play example, you could validate your child’s feelings and then offer a solution by saying “I know it’s disappointing (or frustrating, or sad, or whatever label your child has chosen) that we have to go in now, but we will be back outside tomorrow to play again!”

Naming a strong emotion and talking about it validates your child’s feelings, lets them know that you hear them and you care, and helps bring reasoning and logic to an intense emotional situation (Drs. Siegel and Bryson discuss right and brain functions in detail if this is of interest to you). Remember, name the emotion to tame the emotion and help your child regain control.